Scenes from a morning walk

Jul 11 2012 Published by under Happiness

“Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.”
~Writer and cartoonist Allen Saunders

The idea of living in the moment to experience greater happiness isn’t new. The Saunders quote above was written in 1957. In 1827, poet Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “If a man examine carefully his thoughts he will be surprised to find how much he lives in the future. His well-being is always ahead.” Going back much further, the benefits of mindfulness, meditation, and non-attachment are the central teachings of Buddhism, which dates back to 542 B.C.

Presumably wise (even enlightened) people have been extolling the virtues of living in the moment for centuries. So why isn’t everyone doing it? Because it’s hard. Really, really hard.

The human brain is always busy—trying to solve problems, make sense of the past, or predict the future. Learning to focus on the present moment and stop the internal “noise” is a skill that requires much practice.

Yoga is helping me hone the skills I need to be more mindful and aware in my daily life. I’ve been practicing Hatha yoga regularly for only a few months, but I already notice a positive difference. I am more in tune with my feelings, with my body, and with my environment. I am enjoying these benefits so much, in fact, that I’ve decided to become a yoga instructor. My 200-hour teacher training certification course starts later this month.

So today, on my daily walk with Romeo, I tried an experiment. Rather than let my mind wander as I usually do, worrying about all the things I “need” to do before the day’s end, I opted instead to work on being present in the moment, enjoying my relationship with my dog and appreciating my surroundings. Here are some of the highlights.

We haven’t had any real rain since May. I was glad to see I’m not the only one who’s lawn looks like this.

The only thing thriving in this hot, dry weather are the weeds. Check out this giant thistle!

Let’s get real about what happens on dog walks.

I almost never see trash lying around the neighborhood, so this came as a surprise. I briefly lost my connection to the present moment and hearkened back to the 70s, when people hardly thought twice about tossing trash out of the car window. What the heck were we thinking?

Hibiscus are one of my favorite flowers. I can’t believe I hadn’t noticed these beauties before today.

There are so many pretty gardens in our neighborhood. This is one of my favorites. It’s full of unexpected objects, like this bit of iron fence.

I’m not sure, but I think this is a mulberry tree. It makes a terrific purple mess all over the sidewalk. I rather enjoy tracking through the mashed up berries. Romeo likes to eat them.

This is a gigantic hosta that’s at my head-level as we walk by. The photo doesn’t do it justice.

I couldn’t get a better shot without walking into this neighbor’s yard, but if you look closely you can see an over-sized coffee cup used as a planter on the table. Also, a statuette of a pig with wings. Someone has a wonderful sense of whimsy.

These are popping up all over town. Little Free Library seeks to promote literacy and a love of reading by building free book exchanges worldwide. Have you seen them in your neighborhood?

Romeo nibbles on some green grass, which is a rare find these days.

We had a lovely walk. By consciously trying to keep my mind in the present, I noticed things I hadn’t noticed before, and felt more relaxed than usual. Many days I admit I’m urging the dog to hurry up so I can get back to work.

One thing I wonder, is if stopping to take a picture is removing myself from the moment. I have a friend who never takes pictures on vacation, because he feels like if he’s using his camera, he isn’t experiencing the present. What do you think?

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If you knew you couldn’t fail…

Jan 18 2012 Published by under Happiness

finestra aperta

My husband’s boss asked a question in a staff meeting a few months ago. It’s been rolling around in my head since he told me about it. She asked:

What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?

It’s a variation of a quote by the famous televangelist Robert H. Schuller, who said, “What would you attempt to do if you knew you would not fail?”

For me, the answer to the question is be a freelance writer. For more than a decade I focused on all the reasons why I couldn’t be a freelance writer, and talked myself out of taking the risk, rather than creating a plan to get me there. A year ago, I finally decided to give it a try, and I’m so glad I did. The key was focusing on what I needed to do to make it happen, rather than on all the reasons why it wouldn’t work.

I won’t say it’s been easy. There have been some pitfalls along the way, and my business is not growing as quickly as I had hoped it would, but I still don’t regret my decision. I picked up a flexible part-time job to earn a little extra money while I continue to pursue new freelance opportunities. I can now say I’m one of those people who enjoys going to work every day. I used to think people who said that were making it up.

Are you letting fear of the unknown keep you from pursuing a dream? What could you do today to get you closer to making it a reality?

Have something to add? Please, leave a comment with your thoughts. If you enjoyed this post, you can subscribe to Peculiar Girl or share it on Twitter or Facebook.

CORRECTION: Tom’s boss asked this question not in a staff meeting, but in a casual conversation with Tom and her administrative assistant. Apparently I need to work on my listening skills, because I really thought he said staff meeting.

Photo by Nociveglia on Flickr

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Are you happy?

Nov 02 2011 Published by under Happiness

Are you a happy person? Do you generally feel positive about your life, your relationships, and the things you’ve accomplished?

If you died today, would you say you’ve lived fully, or would you be filled with regrets?

I’ve been thinking a lot about happiness lately, mainly because I know so few people who seem truly happy. I know far more people who are bogged down in fear, insecurity, worry, addiction—going through the motions of life but not living joyfully or with purpose.

It makes me wonder…Is happiness important?

Perhaps the pursuit of happiness is a “first world problem.” There are millions of people in the world whose No. 1 concern is survival, not happiness. Even in America, just a few generations ago, people didn’t talk much about happiness. Take my family. Most of my ancestors were dairy farmers. They toiled from sunup until sundown—no vacations, no sick days, no retirement. Every day was hard work. There wasn’t much time for anything else. They were also members of the Dutch Reformed Church, a church based on the principles of Calvinism including predestination and total depravity. I’m guessing my happiness didn’t come from this side of the family. Just saying.

New research does indicate that the default setting for happiness is genetic, determined by a single “happiness gene.” Does that mean if we don’t have the gene that we’re doomed to a life of despair?

I consider myself a happy person. That doesn’t mean my life is roses and rainbows 24/7, but even when bad things happen, I tend to look on the bright side. I like to think I had something to do with my happiness, by working to end negative patterns (and relationships) and pursuing work, hobbies, and relationships I find fulfilling.

What do you think? How important is happiness? Do you think most people are happy or unhappy? Are happy people just born that way?

Have something to add? Please, leave a comment with your thoughts. If you enjoyed this post, you can subscribe to Peculiar Girl or share it on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo by Burstingwithcolors on Flickr

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Life on my terms: Why bullies and critics can’t keep me down

Sep 08 2011 Published by under My Story

Today is the one-year anniversary of Peculiar Girl. When I started this blog I had no idea what to expect, I just wanted to write. I see too much sadness, selfishness, and hate where there should be happiness, compassion, and love, and I wanted to help change that. In the beginning Peculiar Girl had about six readers: my husband, my family, and a few friends. Today Peculiar Girl has 46 subscribers and 212 Facebook fans, all of whom inspire me to keep writing, even when I worry I don’t have anything interesting to say. Thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. Your support means the world to me.

Today’s post is from the Peculiar Girl archives, post No. 1, originally written September 8, 2010.

I let go of the top bar and fell backward, my gymnastics teacher guiding my six-year-old body through the move. With my knees still hooked around the bottom bar, the momentum carried me down, around, and back up again. At the top of the circle I released my knees from the bar and landed on my feet, arms triumphantly raised to the sky. It’s called a penny drop, and I was one of only two girls in my class brave enough to try it.

Back then I was a fearless—a tiny spitfire with a pixie haircut and scabby knees. I climbed trees, learned to skateboard, and rode my bike downhill “no-handed” as fast as I could. I did what made me happy. And there was no one telling me I shouldn’t.

Just before my seventh birthday my family moved from the city to a small, rural town. I would start second grade at a new school. There were no gymnastics classes, no friends next door, and I sprained my ankle the first time I tried riding my bike on gravel—my wheels spun in the loose rock and I fell, catching my foot in the spokes.

There, everyone knew everyone else. Their families had lived there for generations, most of them farmers. They went to church. We didn’t. They did chores before school. I didn’t. How strange I must have seemed—with my unfamiliar last name and short haircut. A kid on the bus asked if I was a boy or a girl. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so fearless.

From the get-go I didn’t fit in. I was criticized, teased, and sometimes bullied for being “weird.” Most of it seemed to stem from my taste in clothes, my choice of friends, and that I sucked at dodge ball.

Ultimately, growing up a misfit was a positive experience for me. It made me a stronger, more empathetic person. I realized that happiness doesn’t come from the approval of others, and that just because something is popular doesn’t make it right. I also developed a thicker skin, which definitely helps in my career. When you’re a writer, EVERYONE has an opinion about your work. You learn to take it all in stride.

It takes patience and courage to live life on one’s own terms, but I believe it is the only path to true happiness. I started this blog to share my triumphs and challenges, and to hopefully inspire others to embrace what makes us different from one another.

Have something to add? Please, leave a comment with your thoughts. If you enjoyed this post, you can subscribe to Peculiar Girl or share it on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo by Nono Fara on Flickr

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Birthday blues, meet my fist!

Aug 23 2011 Published by under Happiness

Me, age 3, when birthdays were a lot more fun

We have a tradition in my martial arts class; we celebrate birthdays with push-ups. Next week I turn 41, which means we’ll do 41 push-ups in class that day. To be honest, I haven’t been practicing my push-ups as much as I should, so my fast-approaching birthday is good motivation to step it up.

Every year for the past 10 or 11 years, I get a touch of the blues around this time. It’s not because I mind getting older necessarily, but that time passes so quickly and there’s so much more I want to accomplish. I hardly got to know 40, and here it is leaving me already.

40 was a big year. I launched Peculiar Girl, quit my corporate job to be a freelance writer, got published in two local print magazines, had my first boob-smashing mammogram, learned about minimalist dressing with Project 333, decided to embrace my natural hair color, and flew to Idaho for a 1960s party, where I met an awesome chicken named Andy.

My biggest struggles over the last 12 months were adjusting to working from home, trying to ease my old dog’s pain (it turns out he has arthritis in his back legs, and daily medication is working wonders), and finding a humane way to permanently evict the chipmunks and other critters who continue to think our home should also be theirs. Ack!

Challenges aside, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I truly don’t have anything to be sad about, yet my upcoming birthday still puts me in a bit of a funk.

I thought I’d be working on my first book by now and I’m not even in the planning stages. I’m no closer to learning a second language, which is something I really want to do before I die, and there’s still a giant pile of stuff in the basement I need to purge—stuff I intended to sell on Craigslist or consignment this summer and haven’t gotten to yet.

When I think about all the things I have yet to accomplish, I can get overwhelmed. The truth is, though, any pressure I feel is coming only from me. This year, I want to take it easier on myself. Rather than beating myself up for not meeting every single goal, I want my inner thoughts to be more like this:

  • Even if I never clean out the basement, my family and friends will still love me.
  • I don’t need to write a book to call myself a writer.
  • Learning a second language is important to me, but perhaps now isn’t the right time, while I’m working to build my freelance business.

I’m not going to stop having goals, just try to make them more realistic, and more flexible.

Have something to add? Please, leave a comment with your thoughts. If you enjoyed this post, you can subscribe to Peculiar Girl or share it on Twitter or Facebook.


 

 

 

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