Last week I was sitting in the yoga studio, waiting for class to begin, when in walked an acquaintance I hadn’t seen in years. We used to be in a book club together, which was started by a mutual friend. We called ourselves Litterati, and we met once a month to discuss our selected book over a meal and a few bottles of wine.

We took turns hosting the meetings and choosing the books. Some of my favorite reads were titles I never would have selected on my own…Bel Canto, The Time Traveler’s Wife, and The Other Boleyn Girl among them.

I stayed with Litterati for about a year and a half. When I left, I told everyone it was because I was too busy, which I believed at the time. But looking back, I was just beginning to realize how unhappy I was. There were problems in my relationship, my job was highly stressful, and my self-esteem was in the toilet. It was also around this time that I began dieting and exercising almost obsessively, thinking if I just reached the “perfect” weight I would finally be happy. My life was a mess, and I think I was secretly worried that people would find out and be disappointed in me, so I kept them at a distance.

It took a few more years, but I finally figured things out. The real problem wasn’t my weight, or my busy schedule, or any of those other superficial things. The real issue was that I had stopped being me.

I stayed in an unhealthy relationship because I was afraid of what people might think. I was already divorced once, and had broken two engagements before that. I stayed in my career because it was all I knew, and worried it was too late to start over. I wasn’t writing because I didn’t think I was good enough to be a “real” writer. I had millions of excuses as to why I couldn’t live the life I really wanted.

Isn’t it funny how a chance meeting with an old friend brought new perspective to events that happened nearly a decade ago?

I chatted with K. after yoga class that evening, and she said Litterati is still going strong, though some of the members have changed. They are celebrating their 10-year anniversary this month. At the last meeting, she said they discussed inviting all the old members back for a reunion. I told her I would love to come.

Seeing K. reminded me how long it’s been since I curled up with a good book. Last summer I finally read The Kite Runner and loved it, but to be honest I haven’t done much reading since that wasn’t work-related. I’d like to change that, and could use some recommendations.

Have you read anything amazing recently?

If you enjoyed this post, you can subscribe to Peculiar Girl or share it on Twitter or Facebook.

Photo by Denisa Kadlecova on Flickr