Shut up about your goddamn bacon, already

Jan 17 2013 Published by under Vegan

Pot-bellied Piglet

I iz ur bacon?

I get it. Bacon tastes good. It’s crispy, salty, and fatty. Just like other crispy, salty, fatty things, it sends “OMG, yum!” signals to the brain. French fries, potato chips, onion rings…they all have similar effects on our brains. One taste, and we instantly want more.

There is a biological reason for this. Fats are crucial for survival, and they were once hard to come by, when humans were hunter-gathers and had to search far and wide for adequate calories. Salt helps our bodies maintain an appropriate level of fluids.

Still, I am sick to death of people waxing poetic over bacon, like it’s the Holy Grail of foods, without which you will shrivel up and DIE, because life has no meaning without fried strips of tissue from a pig’s belly, back, or sides.

People will wrap anything in bacon, it seems. Seriously, have you seen this disgusting homage to over-consumption? It’s called the turbaconducken. Who the fuck needs to eat a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey and then entirely wrapped in bacon? Let’s see how many more animals we can kill and consume in one meal.

(Also…Bacon Today? Really? Do we really need an entire website devoted to bacon? With a sub-page called Bacon News? Apparently, bacon “news” is links to other websites that mention the word bacon.)

Look, I’m not saying that everyone should be a vegan. I know it isn’t practical for everyone. I just wish more people would stop and think about where their food comes from.

Pigs are very smart (smarter than most dogs), sensitive animals. In the U.S., more than 100 million pigs are slaughtered every year for food, and your precious bacon. Many of them suffer in factory farms, in quarters so small that they cannot move during their entire lives.

You may say you don’t care, and that animals were put on this earth for us to eat. Perhaps that’s true. I don’t believe it is, but does that really give anyone the right to treat them as nothing more than products on an assembly line?

If you’ve never had the opportunity to hang out with a pig, I encourage you to take a trip to a farm sanctuary and meet one. It may not change your mind about eating animals, but perhaps you’ll see that even farm animals have feelings and unique personalities. A pig is not an “it,” but a “who.” Find a farm sanctuary near you.

One last bit of advice. If you happen to find yourself in a conversation with a vegan, and his or her being vegan comes up (It might not. Many vegans prefer not to discuss such personal matters with people they’ve just met), and your first instinct is to say something like, “I could never do that, I can’t live without bacon,” just know that we’ve heard it dozens, if not hundreds, of times before, and that it isn’t funny, and that liking, or not liking, bacon, has absolutely nothing to do with becoming a vegan.

You could live without bacon. In fact, millions of people live exceptionally full, rewarding lives without the stuff. You simply choose not to.

And if you dare write “Mmm, bacon” or anything about “tasty animals” in my blog comments I will delete your pathetic attempt at wit and/or insultery, and then pray to Buddha every day until I die that you end up a factory-farmed pig in your next life.

Now, please excuse me while I eat this entire bag of jalapeno potato chips.

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Photo by Ellenm1 on Flickr


6 responses so far

  • Sarah says:

    Cheryl, this is so true and I thank you for writing it! I especially love your last paragraph. I can not tell you how many people I have dealt with that truly think they are clever by making a comment about eating the animals I love. They actually comment on pictures of animals from Heartland! It is not clever, its not original, and truly not funny. I feel like they are trivializing who I am and what I stand for when they make comments like that. I also think the people who make these jokes are grappling with their own morality, and this is a defense mechanism for them.

  • Rebekah says:

    “…just know that we’ve heard it dozens, if not hundreds, of times before, and that it isn’t funny, and that liking, or not liking, bacon, has absolutely nothing to do with becoming a vegan.”

    This cannot be overstated. It’s almost the guaranteed response to “I don’t eat meat.” “Oh, I’d just DDDDDDIIIIIEEEEEEE without bacon!”

    One of my favorite podcasters frequently mentions how much she adores animals and can’t bear hearing about animal cruelty. She also frequently mentions how much she loves bacon. This always brings out my snide side, and I have to remind myself that we’re all inconsistent about something. Still! You understand.

  • Laura N. says:

    THANK YOU FOR THIS! I’ve been hearing a lot about how much people love bacon these days and while I understand that it tastes good (I used to eat meat) I can’t justify killing sweet, intelligent creatures just because of the way their body tastes, wrapped around everything else. There are things on this earth that are much tastier (and healthier) than bacon. And more humane. And sustainable. And so forth.

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